Simply Plaid About You

If you're a plus sized lady, why oh why, would you want to look like a circus clown's flea-bitten sofa?  The colors are hideous. The lapels are frightening. There is simply no excuse or rationale for wearing this blazer. What would even pair with this beast?

A Peach Pit Disaster

Anyone remember the name of the hangout in "Beverly Hills 90210?"  I do- it was the Peach Pit.  I wasn't allowed to watch the show, but confession- I DID MOM! Wow, I feel so much better now.  Anyway, this peachy number that my friend Heather found is definitely the PITS!  The shoulder pads make me wonder if this was made for a football player- and then the bottom part looks like an exotic diaper. Yes, it is a pantsuit as well.  So if you want to look like a giant, rotten peach... I bet the outfit is still there.

Just Another Bland Polygamy Dress

My friend Heather found this number at a local Deseret Industries thrift store.  She exclaimed, "it's just so plain!"   Yes, it is plain, and perfect for those polygamy reunion tours.  So if you want to look dowdy and blend in with your other "sisters" this dress is for you.  All you need to complete the look is some old black boots and the Utah claw hair style.

This is a dress of the emergency broadcast system

If this had been an actual emergency, you would have rather gone naked.  This is an actual dress- not a raincoat, though the fabric should be stain-resistant!  It looks like some futuristic lab coat from another planet.  I think if I wore it or anyone actually, they would like like a big, blobby Skittle, maybe one that has been kind of stepped-on.

Actually,  I don't have a Halloween costume, maybe it's still there? I could go as a fashion disaster! I wonder when does Deseret Industries open?  I have to drop my car off at the shop, I wonder if my co-worker who is giving me a ride would make a quick stop?

They Say It's Only Puppy Love

Do you love your dogs more than you love most people? Are you over the age of 65?  Then this treasure is for you. This dark blue shirt features a matching plaid collar to the Aladdin-like flying and tasseled pillow that the perky pooches are resting on-so you can be totally coordinated.

Not content with just a simple heart (or force field) hovering gently around the puppies, flowers are magically growing out of the what we assume is a female dog's head.  The boy dog seems to have his head on backwards, which is par for the course for most men anyway.

Overall, this is the must-have for any senior dog lover who wants to strut her stuff with her mutt in style. Truly, you get it all with this top- not only plaid patterns mixed with a solid pattern, but  it features dogs, flowers, hearts and tassels!

Burned Hot Dog Dress

Ever felt the urge to be completely modest and pioneer like but want a modern, avant garde and velour twist?  Then, my friends, this dress is for you.  Like a piece of abstract mod art from the '60s, this dress won't show the scandalous bare neck, wrist or ankles, but still is fashion-forward.

Plus, you can look like a burned hot dog, with artistically swirled ribbons of mustard and ketchup. Perfect for any BBQ in the Siberian winter.

Only one left, so act fast to add this to your regular wardrobe rotation!

Sorry Safari

Okay, it's 4:45 a.m., I can't think of anything clever to say about these pants, except they kind of look like they have some type of very abstract safari pattern to them. Though, if you were on a safari and wore these pants, the animals might just eat you to put themselves out of their misery of having to see you cavort around with your camera and floppy hat.

I don't understand the orange and yellow spaghetti-os with confetti or maybe snake pattern, then there is just one (oh I see the second now) patch of brown background and yellow squiggles.  But perhaps most of all, these might be science pants, with the blocks of black amoebas frolicking around on a yellow background.  What color shirt would even look right with these?  Even worse, I can see some woman wearing this with Crocs- hence the safari theme!

The Ultimate Shame: Polyester Pleated Pant Suit!

So the name brand on this polyester!, pleated!, pant suit is Boston Proper. I think it should be Boston Plopper, as in plop it in the trash heap.  Who has a waist like the pantsuit suggets with that built in belt? My upper fat roll and lower fat roll would just look even worse.  I think a smock would be more flattering. With the pleats- who in their right mind wants to add bulk with pleats- you'd only look what 10 pounds heavier?

Olive Garden Sailor

If the concept of pants suits wasn't bad enough, combine the bodice with a sailor look and pleated pants! Who would look good in this atrocious outfit? It looks like you'd be set to outfit the Olive Garden Unlimited Soup, Salad and Breadstick Cruise boat of Yuck. Okay, the only reason I came up with the Olive Garden reference is because of the color. If you wore this seriously in public, you deserve to be lost on a 3-hour tour.

Fan Submission: Somebunny beta carotene this dress to the dump

Thanks the eagle-eyed Kristina Smith who spotted this carrot of a dress at an ARC thrift store in Denver.  Unless you're the Easter Bunny's wife, why would you make a dress out of carrot fabric, with a vest with carrot buttons?  Another question is why would you make carrot fabric or buttons?  This dress is not the way to get your daily allotment of vitamins.

Sttttuuuuterrring Fool

Even RRRRuss wants to know why you would buy this ugly shirt that looks like shelf paper liner.  It's so ugly anyone would stutter as you strut by in this beast.

Oogly Dud's First Fan Submission!

It is a great privilege to submit my first fan photo! Thanks Johanna Snow for your intrepid eye for oogly purses!  Johanna indicated that the design on the bags was supposed to be some type of representation of animals.  Oh, and they were beach bag sized...  Normally, I love sequins and so-called bling, but this ism more like the dog was barking up the wrong fashion tree.

Another Couch Shirt

What is up with this rockin' Southwestern shirt?  It looks like the upholstery of a couch you'd see in the dumpster outside a Salvation Army. Seriously, who would wear this and think it was a great fashion statement? The only statement it makes is BARF.

Be the Couch

Take a look at this beauty! Too bad the rich detailing of the gold buttons didn't turn up, but don't you just love the retro floral upholstery look? So, if you ever wanted to blend into the furniture, here's your chance.

A Flapper or Pochohantas?

As if one horrible pink dress wasn't enough- here is another one!  I can't decide if it's a flapper dress or a tribute to Pochohantas.  But, if you notice carefully, you'll see a weird stain in an odd place... hmmm.  I know, this dress just screams "ACCESSORIZE ME!" Maybe it was for a female member of the Village People?  Imagine all the ways you could dress up this basic sheath!

Ideas people?!

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Stick

Okay, this picture doesn't do this beauty justice.  It has sequins! flowers, stripes and embroidery on the bodice- as if it has a personality disorder and can't make up its mind.  Oh, and the reason for this title of this post- is the label-the very company that makes this "dress," was named Quiet Whisper or something of that ilk. I KNEW I should have written it down. I bet though, the dress will still be there for me to verify the brand name if I go back.

A Noteworthy Shirt for a Rhinestone Cowgirl

I confess. I'm not a cowgirl-surprising, I know. I don't go down to the local Longhorn's Bar to chase my sorrows away- but in this shirt, what sorrows could a gal have?  If music notes aren't your style, you could always try out the stars and stripes one to the right of the blue one. Nothing screams serious cowgirl like a blue shirt with magenta music notes! Found these beauties at the Sweet Corn Festival in Olathe, Colorado-where incidentally, I did go to a livestock auction.

Leave this to rot in the Cabbage Patch

I'm certainly no snob when it comes to hand-made clothes... but this frock... yes you're seeing it right- is a one-sleeved, custom Cabbage Patch dress.  I can't think of any reason why an adult woman would wear this or even design it. This has to be the most bizarre ensemble I've ever seen. Maybe this was a rejected Project Runway outfit? Really, I'm a child at heart; however, that does not mean I dress like one! 

Sew, how do you like me now?

Sewing is a great hobby. My mom tried in vain to get me to learn to sew, which resulted in a pillow shaped in the first letter of my name (and it did win a ribbon at the state fair when I was 8 or 9), and a pair of dolphin sleep shorts (dolphin-patterned I should say- not made out of real dolphin!).

However, I can resist the urge to look like my sewing supplies multiplied and exploded in a festoon of fury over my chest and arms.

That is all.

Anyone seen my lost shaker of salt?

I love Savers! Savers is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. Now, I must say, I also got some killer cute heels, and shirts here at this visit, so my mocking of these ugly shirts is not anywhere indicative of the good stuff you'll find at Savers. I've seen some dog-barf ugly stuff at Nordstrom too.

Look at this number- you must be a middle-aged Parrothead, still dreaming about wasting away in Margaritaville to wear this number. Is there really any excuse for this shirt- or has the designer gone to the birds?  This shirt is worthy of two photos. Okay, I might understand the parrots hanging out in the leaves on the pocket (are they making out?!), and on the other side of the shirt-but what's with the awkwardly posed floating parrot head lurking towards the collar?

Shazaam!

This was found by a friend in Denver, Colorado at Savers.  It's a beautiful number for those days you can't decide on what color you want to wear.  Perfect for all occasions, like half-price day at the Dollar Tree or perhaps if you're really festival and just love color? This top would look fierce with the yellow pants below.

They Call Me Mellow Yellow

Found this pair of elastic-waist cream puffs at a local thrift store. There is no excuse for plus-sized, elastic-waist pants as is- but banana yellow?! Who in their right mind wakes up and thinks, "Oh, a pair of yellow pull-on pants would be very flattering for my curvy figure?" That's right- NO ONE. These pants should be shredded into rags for an animal shelter- but they might make the animals trip out.